What One Person Can Do to Stand Against “Shades of Grey” by Forest Benedict, MA, SATP-C, MFT Intern (#63601)


Freedom

As a therapist who specializes in treating sexual addictions, I have both seen and studied the effects of the misrepresentation of sexuality through pornography. From young to old, our generation has unprecedented access to sexually explicit material, leading to increased addiction and damage socially, relationally, and sexually. Pornography’s messages are in opposition to healthy, connected relationship. Instead, “pornography promotes and eroticizes power imbalances, discrimination, disrespect, abuse, violence, voyeurism, objectification, and detachment” (The Social Costs of Pornography). These are not values that enhance our world. These messages demean and dehumanize. We have yet to experience the full ramifications of living in this porn-saturated era.

This Valentines Day, the controversial yet highly anticipated movie “Fifty Shades of Grey” hits theaters. While the movie achieved an “R” rating, that does not discount its pornographic plot. Just like other forms of pornography, this movie communicates messages of degradation, objectification, and abuse.

A study published in the Journal of Women’s Health in 2013 examined themes in Fifty Shades of Grey, with the help of abuse and sexual practice experts. The results revealed that the book has extensive instances of emotional abuse, sexual violence, and reactions by the victim (Anastasia) that are typical of abused women.

The conclusion of the study was this:

“Our analysis identified patterns in Fifty Shades that reflect pervasive intimate partner violence—one of the biggest problems of our time. Further, our analysis adds to a growing body of literature noting dangerous violence standards being perpetuated in popular culture.” (For more information, check out this article entitled “50 Shades of Domestic Violence”).

This movie is about relational dysfunction and romanticized violence. It is pornography, repackaged and glorified. As this tainted tidal wave looms before us, action is essential. We MUST do something.

What Can Be Done?

 Many caring individuals and organizations oppose Fifty Shades of Grey for various reasons. But can we really do anything meaningful to resist this movie, limit its profits, or communicate to both Hollywood and our leaders that it is unwanted in our communities?

I believe we can.

The ground-breaking booklet called “A Guide to What One Person Can Do About Pornography” introduces the concept of citizens challenging and changing their community standards regarding pornography. A simplified explanation is this:

“In 1973 the Supreme Court ruled that each community can set its own community standards. How are they set? It really is simple…If you want low community standards, be silent…If you want high community standards, speak up…The key phrase is “Silence is Acceptance”. If you see something you believe to be obscene and you are silent, you are, in reality, accepting it as a community standard…A community that makes it unprofitable for a business to [disperse] pornographic or obscene material will make great strides in establishing a standard of community non-acceptance for such material.”

In similar words, “the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing” (Edmund Burke).

Specific Strategies

If you are with me in opposing the pornographic content and abusive attitudes presented in Fifty Shades of Grey, I invite you to consider the following specific actions that are strides forward in raising our local and national standards. These suggestions can be modified to protest any businesses that sell, rent, or disperse pornography in our communities and online.

1. Let Your Money Talk – I optimistically believe that theaters choosing to show Fifty Shades will respond to the withholding of profits. Refraining from seeing the movie is only the beginning. What I believe local theaters will notice is the loss of profits for all movies. Thus, I challenge you to consider refraining from giving your money to any theater that is choosing to side with Fifty Shades and its demeaning messages for the entire duration that the movie remains in those specific theaters. Instead, consider visiting only theaters where this movie is not being played. If enough concerned citizens participate, this shifting of funds can make a significant difference. For years, I have avoided gas stations and other local businesses that sell pornography, even when it meant paying a few more cents for gas or taking a detour. To me, it is essential that the funds that are allowed into my life do not funnel back into the porn industry.

2. Put it in Writing – In order for theaters to understand our motives, they must read our message. When theater management receive a physical or emailed letter detailing why we are refraining from giving them business, they can more clearly assess if showing Fifty Shades is worth it, both financially and ethically. Again, I’d like to optimistically believe that those who run these businesses are not intentionally seeking to perpetuate violent and destructive perspectives but are merely uninformed. Consider copying and personalizing the following letter and sending it to all local theaters in your area that are choosing to show Fifty Shades of Grey (for examples of letters to other businesses, advertisers, and letters to the editor, click here).

Dear Manager of _____ Theater,

It has come to my awareness that you are planning to show the upcoming movie “50 Shades of Grey” in your movie theater. As a concerned parent and citizen in our community, I believe that the messages in this movie glamorize sexual violence and dehumanize men and women.

A study published in the Journal of Women’s Health in 2013 examined themes in Fifty Shades of Grey, with the help of abuse and sexual practice experts. The results revealed that the book has extensive instances of emotional abuse, sexual violence, and reactions by the victim that are typical of abused women. The conclusion of the study was this:

“Our analysis identified patterns in Fifty Shades that reflect pervasive intimate partner violence—one of the biggest problems of our time. Further, our analysis adds to a growing body of literature noting dangerous violence standards being perpetuated in popular culture.”

I cannot in good conscience support any establishment that spreads messages such as this through the showing of Fifty Shades of Grey or movies like it. Pervasive pornography already has a stranglehold on our society and I believe this movie perpetuates messages that hurt all of us, especially the most vulnerable, our children.

For these reasons I am choosing to protest the decision to show this movie by refraining from attending your theater for as long as Fifty Shades is shown there. Instead, I will choose to support theaters that are not showing the movie. Additionally, I will donate my movie ticket money toward local domestic violence shelters and toward causes that perpetuate love, human worth, and healthy sexuality. This issue is so important to me that I am encouraging my family, friends, and others in my sphere of influence to do the same.

Please know that I do not have anything against you personally. I have enjoyed my movie-going experience at your theater in the past. I am only doing what I believe to be right; standing up for the good of our community and our world.

Should you make any changes in response to this letter or others like it, please let me know so that I can thank you publicly and commence attending your theater. Thank you for any consideration you give to this important issue.

Sincerely,

Your Name and Title (if relevant)

Email Address

3. Invest in the Good – As mentioned in the above letter, consider countering this movie’s messages by promoting healing and hope. There are countless possibilities. For one, the National Center on Sexual Exploitation is leading a campaign called 50 Dollars Not 50 Shades, challenging potential movie-goers to give to local domestic violence shelters instead of paying to watch abuse on the silver-screen. Another option is stated in the above letter of protest; giving toward causes that perpetuate love, human worth, and healthy sexuality. This may mean seeking recovery, reconciliation, or romance. You decide.

4. Share This Article with OthersI have come across many great articles opposing Fifty Shades but I have not yet read one with a practical call to action like I am presenting here (if they are out there I’d love to know about them). If you resonate with this article, please share it with family, friends, fellow church members, recovery circles, pastors, leaders, and other pro-humanity organizations. Let’s not let differences in ideologies or theologies thwart our unified efforts in this cause. There are countless individuals in our communities who care for human decency and the betterment of our world. Personally, I am sharing this article everywhere I can think of….from Facebook to the Fresno Bee (newspaper). If you’ve caught the vision, please help spread the news.

5. Join the MovementThere are several amazing, knowledgeable, and well-equipped organizations that are already leading the charge in the Anti-Pornography Movement. If you feel a swell in your heart to join this mission, consider volunteering, giving, and spreading the word about these credible causes. The National Center on Sexual Exploitation and Fight the New Drug are among leading organizations working tirelessly to inform and inspire. They also seek to unveil the destructive messages inherent in Fifty Shades of Grey.

6. PersistThere will likely be more movies in the Fifty Shades series and, as always, we can count on the porn-industry and Hollywood pushing the limits of what we will tolerate in our communities. Media of all types is continuously dispersed that contributes to the dehumanization and severe objectification of others. Repeating this message is not only helpful, it is necessary. Perseverance will pay.

7. BelieveThere are many success stories of people fighting pornography. Protesting by citizens has resulted in thousands of stores cancelling the sale of pornography. One massive victory against pornography occurred when the Australian Federation for the Family campaigned against Playboy for 17 years. Their national boycotting efforts in Australia led to the eventual cancellation of all advertising contracts of both Playboy and Penthouse and in 2001 Australian Playboy was closed permanently. Many passionate and caring people are actively standing up for human dignity in this area and their voices are making a difference. Ours will too.

The Boldness of Integrity

The primary purpose of writing this piece is not to change people’s minds about Fifty Shades of Grey. Sadly, many people are excited to see this film. Such is the world we live in. My main intention is to invoke the dormant passion in those who care about this issue, equipping them with effective tools I believe can make a difference.

We have a profound opportunity before us. As Brennan Manning powerfully penned, “It is a courageous determination to make unpopular decisions that are expressive of the truth of who we are.” This is one of many opportunities to stand against the cultural tides that glorify movies and messages that dehumanize and destroy. This is about adding action to our awareness.

In the book “If You Know Who You Are You Will Know What to Do,” Richard Greer writes that “living with integrity requires clarity of purpose, commitment to values, and then courage – the courage to live what we believe even at personal cost.” One Fifty Shades article by Tim Challies challenged readers with this clarifying question: “How can we hope to maintain integrity in the eyes of our brothers and sisters if we say we will help them battle sex trafficking in one moment but pay to enjoy scenes of violent sex in the next?” For anyone who believes in standing against the proliferation of pornography and sexual exploitation, this is a call to congruency. It is time to proceed in step with our values.

I beg the reader, please do NOT react to this film in a manner that contributes to the problem. If we’re fighting for human dignity, we must do it in a humane and dignified manner. Fighting violence with violence (or even disrespect) makes us hypocrites. Instead, what the world needs is courage and conviction balanced with care for others.

For those who have been impacted negatively by another’s choice to consume pornography or who are in recovery themselves, you are not disqualified from taking action. Often the wounded make the mightiest warriors. Your story will fuel your fervency.

Changing the World

“Is this the world you want? You’re making it, every day you’re alive” –Switchfoot

As always, we can expect many to disagree and misinterpret our mission as extremist and judgmental. Regardless, may we have the determination to draw deep on our courage, reminded of the inspirational people throughout history who have modeled this for us. For those who believe in coincidence, how ironic it is that current popular movies like “Selma” and “Unbroken” lead the way in the box office? The path has been prepared for us. May we utilize this powerful imagery to muster the boldness to move forward in perseverance, in the face of expected ridicule.

When we stand for what we believe in, I guarantee change will happen. It may or may not be in the form of social transformation but it undeniably will happen in each of us as we let ourselves be seen. In the words of Brene Brown, “The willingness to show up changes us, it makes us a little braver each time.”

May we stand together, with courage and congruency, against “Shades of Grey” and other forms of pornography that engulf and entrap our world. May we model to our children how to act boldly in the face of injustice. May we do our part to challenge deteriorating community standards, creating a safer civilization for all of us. May we live with integrity, spreading messages of healthy sexuality, authentic connection, and the worth of all people.

The generations that follow will thank us.

(Click here to to learn how this article spread like wildfire after it was originally posted)

-Written by Forest Benedict, MA, SATP-C, MFT Intern (#63601), LifeSTAR of the Central Valley

If you benefited from this article, please “follow” us, “like” us on Facebook, and share this article and blog with others. Thank you!

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About fbenedict

Forest Benedict is the author of Life After Lust: Stories & Strategies for Sex & Pornography Addiction Recovery. He is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Sexual Addiction Treatment Provider (SATP). Forest loves the work he does as the Clinical Director of LifeSTAR of the Central Valley and the Program Manager/Teacher in the SATP program at Mid-America Nazarene University. He writes numerous articles on the LifeSTAR of the Central Valley blog (https://lifestarcentralvalley.wordpress.com/) and also on his personal blog (http://forestbenedict.com/). He created the Life After Lust VLOG on Youtube, sharing insights about recovery from sexual addiction. Forest also writes and speaks publicly about protecting children from pornography.
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24 Responses to What One Person Can Do to Stand Against “Shades of Grey” by Forest Benedict, MA, SATP-C, MFT Intern (#63601)

  1. Pingback: What One Person Can Do to Stand Against “Shades of Grey” by Forest Benedict, MA, SATP-C, MFT Intern (#63601) | Write Forest Write

  2. Thank you Forest Benedict. I hope this is a message that takes hold. I was encouraged to read this book and found it off-putting. The societal pressure to not be perceived as prudish is strong. To not be on the public bandwagon is a challenge I meet in my decision to not go to the movie. Thank you for the possible words to the theater.

  3. Our pastor stood firm before our congregation 2 weeks ago and said many of the things you’ve said. Thank you for publicly acknowledging the pervasiveness of sexual abuse and the reasons we should not see the movie. And things we can do to get the message out to our community. We need to take a stand on these issues and stop pretending they don’t exist.

  4. Michele Aluoch says:

    I fully stand with u against the negative and abusive images and relational interactions portrayed as “romance” in this movie n book. This is so far from what our Lord intended true genuine intimacy to be.

  5. Laurel says:

    Reblogged this on Writing in Sobriety and commented:
    Excellent article on sex addiction which is no different than other compulsions.

  6. Cristal says:

    Thanks for standing alongside and helping others to combat this on different fronts. Even secular therapists and some media are now petitioning against this movie. Here is a very interesting article I read in August that I read that examines the book very disturbing findings of not just abuse but pedophilia. http://watchdogwire.com/florida/2013/03/10/50-shades-of-grey-pedophilia-hiding-in-plain-sight/

  7. Charisse says:

    I work with The military I wonder how many more cases a military sexual trauma will occur because of watching this movie? Not good!

  8. Thank you for posting this, Forest. I had concerns about this book, I didn’t read it, but my daughters and daughter-in-law read it and raved about it. I am cowardly about being perceived as a ‘prude’, which seems to be the one thing that cannot tolerated these days. I appreciate the tips about how to stand up against violence against women.

  9. Pingback: 3 Things Your Kids Need to Know about Fifty Shades of Grey | PornProof Kids™

  10. sambacsf says:

    Thanks for reaching out. As a nurse with sons and grandsons, I am fully committed to speaking up. These suggestions are great and a good place for me to start.

  11. Ernie Culp says:

    I stand against this evil movie and book. Ernie Culp

  12. Pingback: Standing Together Against ‘Shades of Grey': The Birth of a Movement by Forest Benedict, MA, SATP-C, MFT Intern (#63601) | LifeSTAR Central Valley Blog

  13. Pingback: “Standing Together Against ‘Shades of Grey': The Birth of a Movement” by Forest Benedict, MA, SATP-C, MFT Intern (#63601) | Write Forest Write

  14. Carla says:

    Thank you giving me a way to fight this evil instead of just getting angry and throwing up my hands in resignation.

  15. Lynn Reynolds says:

    This is so much more than a religious debate or coming from that point of view. I believe the most important reason that people NEED take a stand (men included, but we all know the chance of that), is the fuel that it is feeding to those who are sex addicts and the people in their lives who are affected by it. I am far from being a prude. My GFs and I, who are avid readers, were actually bored by this trilogy. No one read all 3 books and didn’t even finish the first. It was all so contrite, especially coming from a middle-aged woman like the author.

    The problem is, this justifies sexual addiction, the violence it perpetuates in order to be sexy and controversial. I am a woman in her mid-forties who have had 3 sex-addicts in my life. The worst experience a woman can go through, far more than any other addiction. My lover now is 10 years my junior and the things he has done, seen, or may do… frightens me. Yet before you say “dump him”, the other 2 sex-addicts were older than I. This is a broad spectrum issue that effects men (mainly) of all ages, of course mainly due to porn.

    We have had issues as of late that have come into light and we have had counseling scheduled for 2 months now. Thank God mine is first in 2 weeks. His a week later. He doesn’t understand that being a sex addict is real. He thinks just because he wants to ejaculate once or twice a day, that is what I’m considering a sex-addict. Our counselor is amazing and he saw her 2 years back for a somewhat similar issue, so I know he will “get it” when she re-enforces what I have been trying to do.

    Bottom line. The entertainment industry needs to STOP cramming this type of behavior, scenarios, situations, etc., down our throat, especially young people. They are the ones that are buying into this and wondering why any man they’ve had can not stay faithful. They should quit glorifying this message about bondage, which progresses into many other worse things, for we all know, an addict must find higher highs, and find a secluded spot late at night or anywhere for it… but when I’m making the kids a snack in the afternoon and explain to them “why is that girl wearing a blindfold with her hands tied up by that man” in the middle of my day.

    This healthy woman with a great sexual appetite is bloated from being force fed all this… bull. Bring me beautiful romance I crave so much and let me add my own special spices to it. I have never had a complaint yet.

  16. FANTASTIC article! A call to arms! Brilliantly done, Forest!

  17. Pingback: Romanticizing Violence - LifeStar Sacramento

  18. Pingback: 2015: An Amazing Year for LifeSTAR of the Central Valley | LifeSTAR Central Valley Blog

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  21. Pingback: 3 Things Your Kids Need to Know about Fifty Shades of Grey - Protect Young Minds

  22. Pingback: 8 Ways to Stand Against DARKER “Shades of Grey” by Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP | LifeSTAR Central Valley Blog

  23. Pingback: White Ribbon Against Pornography: Life After Lust – mama crossroads

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