Permission to Rest


amazing tree

As a person in recovery, I find it very hard to give myself the rest and relaxation I need. What comes naturally for me is overcommitment and overachievement. I too often prioritize productivity over caring for myself responsibly. I know I am not alone in this. Flores writes that addicts “demonstrate an almost complete inability to relax and enjoy themselves” (Flores, 2004). Learning the lifestyle of effective self-care takes continuous effort. For me, it is a journey of constant course correction.

Thankfully, my body tells me when I am maxing out my resources and my capacity for productivity. I have learned to see addictive cravings as signals that something is not right inside of me. When those signals go off, it is time to act. If I do not respond with attention, curiosity, and care, I know I am on the road to relapse.

In her book Running On Empty, Dr Jonice Webb shares that “adults who were emotionally neglected as children often don’t know what their needs are. Their own wants, needs, and feelings are not only irrelevant to the emotionally neglected, they’re invisible.” Since nearly 100% of sexual addicts were emotionally neglected in early life, it makes sense how we learned to neglect ourselves.

Dr Webb recommends finding “healthy self-soothing strategies”that fit each individual’s needs.  They could range from going for a walk in the woods, praying or meditating, listening to peaceful music, writing or journaling, exercising, playing with a pet, taking a bath, reading in a hammock, or gardening. The possibilities are endless (for more ideas click here). We can seek and find the non-addictive and non-stressful activities that meet our deepest needs.

We can learn how to love ourselves in many ways, as part of our daily rituals and in times of heightened stress. We can seek the support we need and remind ourselves that today is a great day to begin again. This self-compassionate and self-supportive approach will help us get off of the hamster-wheel of performance and pay attention to the things that are most needed.

May we all learn to tune in to the needs of our body, mind, and soul, investing in the much needed care that will soothe our wounds and wholly rejuvenate us.

I officially give us all permission to rest.

-By Forest Benedict, MA, SATP-C, LMFT, Clinical Director of LifeSTAR of the Central Valley If you benefited from this article, please “follow” us on this blog and on Twitter, “like” us on Facebook, and SHARE this article and blog with others. Thank you!

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About fbenedict

Forest Benedict is the author of Life After Lust: Stories & Strategies for Sex & Pornography Addiction Recovery. He is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Sexual Addiction Treatment Provider (SATP). Forest loves the work he does as the Clinical Director of LifeSTAR of the Central Valley and the Program Manager/Teacher in the SATP program at Mid-America Nazarene University. He writes numerous articles on the LifeSTAR of the Central Valley blog (https://lifestarcentralvalley.wordpress.com/) and also on his personal blog (http://forestbenedict.com/). He created the Life After Lust VLOG on Youtube, sharing insights about recovery from sexual addiction. Forest also writes and speaks publicly about protecting children from pornography.
This entry was posted in Addiction, Partner of Sexual Addict, Recovery, Self-care, Self-Compassion, Sexual Addiction and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Permission to Rest

  1. alexispartofthetribe says:

    Hi Forest,

    I’m guessing you might be at the Lifestar conference, I believe it’s this week. I reached out before to see if you had checked out rTribe—the porn and sex addiction recovery app. At this point it’s the #1 ranked sex addiction app in iOS and in Android. People who use rTribe increase their daily engagement with their support group by 430% and it’s correlated with increased sobriety. Part of why I’m reaching out is to see if you wanted to do some cross-promotion. I think it would be a great way to help more people through content and a cool tool (rtribe). We get over 3000 views/week to our blog and I think you write some good stuff that would help. Let me know what you think.

    Regards,

    Alex Lerza The Recovery Tribe, Inc Co-Founder http://www.rtribe.org

    The Future of Recovery Is Here

    >

  2. Pingback: Giving Us All Permission to Rest – Write Forest Write

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