Why I Stayed

Making the decision of whether or not to stay in a marriage is a painful one for

partners of sexual addicts. Friends and family may have strong feelings and quick

advice but this decision is never simple and cannot be made lightly. The decision

impacts every aspect of life; finances, children and family, home, work and social

networks. Even when there has been no physical or emotional contact with someone

else, studies show that over 80 percent of women viscerally experience their

spouse’s pornography viewing as infidelity (Skinner). Visceral relates to deep

inward feelings rather than to a cognitive-thought process. Making this decision

is and should be an individual process. We encourage you to seek counseling from

a competent therapist who specializes in sexual addiction before making a final

decision.

Whether you choose to stay or go it is vitally important that you work on your

own recovery from relational trauma. The following letter is beautifully written

by a spouse of a sexual addict. She talks about her own trauma work, the need to

surround oneself with supportive people, what the process has been like for her

and where she draws the line. Perhaps it will help you on your path to peace and

healing.

Source: Skinner K., Steuer, G., Strengthening Recovery through Strengthening Marriage, Healing from Pornography Addiction (CDs)

For more great articles for partners of sex addicts, check out the Partner Resources section of our blog.

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